· By Lauren Gray
Who is Weak Dick Soap For?
"Who is Weak Dick soap for?" a male comic noisily asked while eyeing my phone screen. I had been working on copy for the product description for our new gag gifts at an open mic, not really considering the sea of easily bruised egos around me or who might be looking over my shoulder.
"Anyone with weak dick energy, really. Why? Would you like a bar?" He slouched off, astutely noting that the possibility of us becoming writing partners anytime soon remained at 0. It did make me wonder though: who is this product for? A sea of shitty ex's, ghostly hinge dates, and repulsive bosses crossed my mind - but I suppose it really isn't for them. As end users, yes. But really, it's the gratification of sending this prank gift off to these asshats. You can send Weak Dick to anyone, and trust me, these things get sent to any and everyone... but if you need a little ✨inspiration✨
I sent Weak Dick to Dylan who said my body count was too high,
I sent Weak Dick to Aaron, no foreplay, fucked me dry,
I sent Weak Dick to Scott who says he's a "good guy."
I sent Weak Dick to Tyler 'cause that name simply sucks,
I sent Weak Dick is for Michael, for eating cop's nuts.
Am I the Dr. Suess of petty ex girlfriends? Probably. Will I stop at nothing to become so rich I can afford to send a dumptruck full of offensive bar soap to my ex husband? Absolutely.
And sure, sending a prank gift of Weak Dick bar soap to your ex isn't the most traditional form of self-care, but it sure beats the hell out of responding to that "wyd" at 2am.